this particular son, zach? >> well, it was hard. it was hard because his communication was very limited when he was born. look, i always loved him. it was never about love. but i think for a parent, one of the hardest things is you feel that you are stuck with your child, and one of the problems with zach, because of the way his mind is, it's all in the concrete, we were stuck. we would play the same games, really, for 20 years. i said finally, after 20 years, from five to 25, and i meant it, i said, "zach, i cannot do this anymore, because i feel that we're stuck. we're not seeing any progression." then of course it is enhanced by another son who, as i say, is just moving up the track. zach's not going to live alone. obviously did not go to college. his mental comprehension is about eight to 10. he's not going to get married. i do not know if he'll ever kiss. that was hard for me. tavis: so why then decide -- i want to talk about this trip in a second, but something else occurs to me first. >> sure, sure.